You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
