I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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