That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
