Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
