i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Randomize
