Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
