Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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