Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
