Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
