I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
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