Screwed.edu
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
