i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Randomize
