Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
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