Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Randomize
