porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
i came on her dog
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Randomize
