So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
