I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
God gave him joint rollers for hands
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Randomize
