Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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