when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
