thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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