I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
