i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
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