I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
You ruined the universe
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
