There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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