So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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