what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
