OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize
