I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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