I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
