is your mom at the bar?
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Randomize
