Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I just want to make out with him forever
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
