pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
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