So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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