New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
So much rum. So many feels.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
