yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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