I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
