I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
