I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
