goodnight i made you a song goodbye
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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