Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
