I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
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