You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Randomize