Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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