dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
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