I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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