There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
