there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Lo siento on account of my penis...
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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