what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Randomize
