hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
