I can tuck mytits in my pants
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
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