No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
