I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Randomize
