My nipple is on Facebook.
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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