girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
