My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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