he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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