she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
