Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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