You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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