NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
