I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Randomize
