it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
no, he came in my armpit
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
